Dear Diary, I’m at Starbucks Thinking About My Blog

31 Days of Dear Diary

Read the series here.

-Transcript-

July 26, 2013

I’m sitting here at Starbucks, thinking about my blog. I have had that blog for years. Probably over 10 years, and though I started blogging to just write, I’ve been wanting a blog that makes me money, but more so, influences lives. I’m ready to take it to the next level, but I don’t know what to blog about. I want to be intentional, but I don’t know in what.

I’m not a mom and cannot have a mom blog or blog for moms. I don’t travel often and cannot talk about that….

Okay. Enough. Here’s what I am.

I am 28 years old.
I am single. Although I want my own family, I’m not sweating it. I don’t date. I don’t believe in dating around to find “the one” or to “figure out the type of guy I like.” “Waiting” is a valid option. See, to me it’s not waiting. It’s living. Living my life as me, just me and God. Growing to who God wants me to be. Seeing & reaching the world. But I feel like I would have more impact with that message if I have something to show for it. If I’m actually living it large (for God). I want a financially free life. I want to travel everywhere. I want to see and touch the world. I want MORE.
I am a Children’s Ministry Director. I’ve been doing this since 2002. And being in kidmin since 1999. Nonstop. Yet, I feel like I can also do MORE. But I’m not sure what.
I am a writer. I love to write stories, but I can’t seem to finish the big ones. I love to blog. I want to be a financially successful writer. I want to be an author. I want to be an award-winning author. I want my books turned to movies. I would love to see my imagination on the big screen. I want to speak at conferences. To touch lives. To connect. To have friends all over the world. I’m not extroverted, but that would be awesome.

I want to know how God’s call in my life will play out. To be a Children’s pastor and missionary. I had a very specific picture of what that is like. But I’m starting to see how it can also play out. I may not have the title, but I am reaching those kids. And if my writing is a way to pastor and if my traveling and speaking in conferences is a way to be a missionary, then that’s cool. I don’t want to forget God’s call in my life, but I’m not making the same mistake again. I’m not going to put my own expectations and ideas on His call in my life. Maybe callings don’t change, but the way they are played out just might. When once I thought it was as a pastor in the church, now it can be anything.

I’m just anxious for my life to start. And I need to start it, but I’m scared. I’m scared of failing and ending up getting a job I hate because I have to. I’m 28 years old. What have I to show for it? Help me, God. Provider and Creator. The One who will finish what He started in me.

-End Transcript

This was my response to the How They Blog – Blog Planning Kit. Out of that and the Intentional Blogger ebook came this blog!

have been blogging since the Xanga days. Remember them? But it was because I was part of that generation, teenagers who started writing whatever we wanted on our AIM profiles, writing whatever on our blogs, creating Geocities websites just because.

In recent years, I tried to blog with intention on my blogger blog (which I couldn’t bear to delete up to this day), but it wasn’t until last year that different things in my life started coming together. Have you ever had a problem you just couldn’t solve? So people tell you to sleep on it. You do, and the solution just comes to you.

It felt like that. My life. Suddenly, things are clearer and make more sense. In truth though, you can see from my past posts, that it’s a long journey for me overcome what I felt was a messed up life. And at the end of that road, is another one, another journey, another chapter in my story. I was trying to figure out what that chapter was when ding! I can honor God with my writing.

Writing used to be this side thing. I love it and I pursued it, but it wasn’t a God thing. It wasn’t a “for God” thing either. Sure, I figured I wanted to write stories that reflected my faith, like C.S. Lewis. I figured my faith would naturally just leak into the pages and the characters.

Meanwhile, I’d blog reviews to get free stuff. I’d write paid blog posts to get some coin. I’d include ads in my blog. And I did all that. But none of them fed my soul. Didn’t feed me either!

Through prayer, lots of reflection and journaling, and reading a lot of Christian bloggers (a lot of them, mommy bloggers), my heart started to flutter. I got butterflies in my tummy. I was excited and anxious. I realized I only need to just write, but this time, write for God.

Even though I feel like I don’t have much to offer. Even though I don’t always know the words to say. Even though I’m not comfortable enough to share the hard and inky bits of my life. Even though I’m scared. Even though there are better writers and bloggers who have already said what I want to say and said it much better….

Even if nothing comes of it. This chapter of my life is about having faith to write, to obey, to stay or go, to stop trying to figure it all out, and just trust in God.