I gave up on passion.
As quiet as I may be, as introverted, even as shy, I was a passionate spitfire. If I wasn’t, I truly believe I would have less embarrassing moments growing up. But I felt deeply, acted deeply, and believed deeply.
Then a time came in my life when – without going into damaging details – I was hurt. Deeply. And I figured that if I wasn’t so passionate, I wouldn’t be as hurt. So I consciously decided not to be passionate.
Dictionaries define passion as:
“a strong feeling of enthusiasm or excitement for something or about doing something” (Merriam-Webster)
“strong and barely controllable emotion” (Google)
“an abandoned display of emotion” (Free Dictionary)
“when you put more energy into something than is required to do it” (Urban Dictionary)
When I decided to give up passion, I had to stop myself from jumping into conversations with friends, reacting too much, expressing thoughts I assumed weren’t welcomed. I convinced myself it was better this way. That I was just protecting myself. That I needed personal time. That I was simply growing up.
Truth is I was hurting, and giving up passion wasn’t the way to heal because I eventually ended up in apathy. The opposite of love. Unconcern. Lack of interest. There’s not even a single bleep on the radar. I didn’t care. I had a whole mess of anger and a chasm of pain, but I didn’t care enough to do anything about it. I just didn’t care. And I thought people didn’t care either. Then I thought God didn’t care.
This is Day 1 of the 31 Day challenge, and I chose to write about passion because I don’t want anyone to go through the darkness I went through. It was a long road to the light for me. A long road back to a good place.
Giving up passion was just giving up. Don’t let go of passion (that deep-in-your-gut, believe-with-all-your-heart, fuel-for-life kind of passion) because of hurt, anger, pain, or fear. Don’t give up.
Dear reader, I don’t know what you’re going through. I don’t know your tough times. I don’t know your sorrows. I don’t know if a huge devastation blew through your life, or if every day piles more trouble onto your already broken heart.
But I do know that someone cares about you. Even if you think you’re alone, there are people wanting to help you. And I believe that God loves you, very much. Please, don’t give up.
If you need to talk with someone, this crisis hotline is open all the time, confidential, and free:
1-800-273-8255 (Crisis Call Center)
Also open all the time, confidential, and free is an honest prayer to God. Just saying.