3 Misconceptions About Waiting

“Waiting” is definitely Christian-ese, a term Christians use in a way most of the world doesn’t understand, which is why I hesitate to use it. To say, “I’m waiting” when talking about dating and romance just confuses everyone. Which is why I want to set the record straight.

Honestly though, most people know what waiting looks like. It’s just coined differently. A girl may be waiting if she says something like:

“In God’s time.”
“I’m not dating right now.”
“I’m not looking for a relationship.”

Still, there are a lot of questions and misconceptions about it. Can you date while you wait? Are you waiting if you’re single and ready to mingle? A man isn’t just going to show up out of nowhere. If you’re not dating, that’s like having faith without works, which is dead. I LOVE that last one. So let’s start there. Here are the misconceptions about waiting, and what waiting has looked like for me.

1. Waiting is like having faith without works, which is dead.
Meaning to say that we can have faith that God will unfold our love story, but it won’t happen by waiting for it to happen. We need to put ourselves out there. We need to go out on dates. We need to meet God halfway.

First of all, let’s find that verse in the Bible in James 2:14-20. I think the NLT version makes it easy to understand that faith without works is about living out our faith. Walking the walk, being the hands and feet of Jesus, and actions speak louder than words kind-of-thing. Our faith makes a bigger impact (it is useful and alive) when we meet the physical needs of people, not just their spiritual needs. It has nothing to do with waiting or dating.

Second of all, one of the biggest misconceptions about God is He needs our help to make His plans happen. He does not. What He does is invite us to participate in His plans, because He loves it when we’re in unity with Him. He’s got a big plan of redemption for the whole world, and He’s inviting us to join it.

Dare to imagine that we do. God uses every part of our lives – every second, choice, and person we affect – to drive His plan forward. Waiting can be part of that. Waiting is not dead faith. Waiting is a step of faith. It is letting go of self-reliance and depending on God, instead. It’s believing He will provide even though we don’t know how and don’t know when. Knowing doesn’t matter anyway.

2. Waiting is not dating.
When someone says she’s waiting, the implication is she’s not dating. That’s mostly true, but it’s also a misconception. I actually do think it’s possible to date while you wait. But there’s a fine line between that and having a dating life.

I’ve been seeing a lot of videos and articles on navigating the dating world, tools you’d need, and tips you could use. All I could think of is how hard dating is. There’s so much effort to put in and I understand why there are so many tales of woe and dread about the dating life.

Waiting means you don’t have to enter the dating life. You don’t have to play the game. There’s no need for navigation tools and tips because God’s in control. He’s at the steering wheel. You just have to follow. But as we follow God, people will naturally come alongside us. It could be a man who sees a woman of God he’d like to get to know better.

Someone once said that if a man asks her out on a date, she says yes because of the courage it took for that man to come up to her and ask. If God does something about it, or if He does not, it’s all good with her. She doesn’t put focus on dating. She doesn’t force relationships or chase after them. She’s actually quite busy with her life, career, and other relationships (family, friends, community).

If you choose to be like my friend and say yes to acknowledge the bravery of the man who asked you out, don’t lose sight of where God’s going because it’s possible you might have said yes to the wrong person.

3. Waiting means you’re not living.
I forgot the author who wrote about that, but I remember looking at my life and determining that I was, in fact, living. Just because I’m not on Christian Mingle or swiping left or right doesn’t mean I sit at home, twiddling my thumbs, and naively looking for a prince on a white horse to show up on my driveway. And just because I use the term waiting instead of living, doesn’t mean my life isn’t full. Stop splitting straws. Thankfully, more and more single people reveal what their lives actually look like. And such full lives we have!