For years, one event has marked Valentine’s Day for me: babysitting for my church’s couple’s valentines dinner. The pandemic lockdown gave me a break, but it’s back to the same old same old this year. I babysat ten kids for five hours.
“Do you like babysitting?” asked one of the children.
“Hmm…not if there’s so many kids all at once,” I joked because they were a little stir crazy at the moment, running around a small hotel meeting room. The child laughed and ran off. Meanwhile, there’s a couple that attended the dinner for the first time. I was their Sunday school teacher when they were younger. My friend was also in attendance, wearing sneakers because she’s heavily pregnant.
Balloons, roses, chocolates, and other reminders of Valentine’s Day have never bothered me. Over-the-top balloons are fun to look at, the roses are pretty, and chocolates go on sale on the 15th. What bothers me, what gets under my skin and worms into my heart is feeling like I’m living in the same old same old while other people cross milestones I want for myself. I was struck with a sudden realization why 10th commandment tells us not to covet. It leads to discontent and ungratefulness.
If having a life partner is one of your desires, it’s easy to covet just the mere idea of a romantic relationship. It’s easy to be discontent with your singleness, and ungrateful of the benefits of singleness. Especially around Valentine’s Day. Especially when you’re the go-to babysitter. Especially when it feels like singleness is the same old same old.
When there’s a pang in my heart and singleness gets hard like this, there are a few things I do to heal from the hurt, to remember the truth, and to celebrate love. Here are 5 Ways Singles Can Survive Valentine’s Day.
Take a break from the decor
Find a place with little to no Valentine’s Day decorations. Step away from the reminder of this holiday. It’s hard to escape the commercialism of Valentine’s Day. Some of the stores in my area have been selling decorations and themed items since January. Take a detox from it all. A park is a great place to go. Nobody usually decorates public parks for holidays. Surprisingly and thankfully, my local Starbucks is devoid of Valentine’s decorations. Finding a holiday-neutral place to go grounds me in everyday life: people studying or working, friends catching up, a woman writing in a composition notebook. And I’m one of them, living life because it hasn’t passed me by just because I’m single.
Take a break from social media
Couples’ pictures, videos, and collages bombard my social media feed on the 14th of February and sometimes, a couple of days after. I’m sure it does yours, too. Take a break from it. Don’t open the apps. Go do something else.
Do something that makes you happy
Indulge in your hobby. Do something that makes you happy, feeds your soul, and takes care of your mental health. Read a book, craft art, make music, play a video game, watch a movie, or exercise.
Do something that reminds you that your happiness matters, and it’s not dependent on romance.
Be your own Valentine
Buy yourself flowers, chocolates, or balloons. Make yourself a three course meal and enjoy it with candles and music. Or get take-out to watch in front of a movie or show. Treat yourself to all the fancy or the corny or the unusually large chocolate-covered strawberries of Valentine’s Day. I used to think those things were reserved for the couples, but they’re not. The stores will not stop you from buying them. They don’t care if you buy them for yourself. So treat yourself!
Connect with people
I can be alone and happy. I can also be alone and lonely. The difference is a lack of connection. When I’ve been too reclusive and haven’t connected with friends and family, loneliness creeps in. Avoiding anything love-related on Valentine’s Day echoes that loneliness because it makes me feel like a hermit. As if I’m unable to or not allowed to go out and socialize. I say this as an introvert: connect with people on Valentine’s Day. I’m not saying go on a date. If you don’t want to do that, you don’t have to. There are other ways to connect with others. Call or text your friends. Go outside and say hello to people you meet. Make eye contact with cashiers and service workers and wish them a great day. Reach out to another single person and ask how they’re doing.
Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be tough or lonely. If it is, that’s completely okay. But don’t wallow in that feeling because there’s nothing wrong with being single. You can survive Valentine’s Day. Actually, you can thrive in it!
