Dear Diary, I Think God’s Calling

-Transcript-

September 30, 2001
Sunday
10:19 PM

I’m so blessed!!! Praise God!!! I love Him soooo much!!! I read parts of the previous entries and I see how my life did a full 180. Turned halfway to put my ways away from the Lord and 360 for it turned around completely. 🙂 It makes me smile 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

First of all, DEEP BREATHE. I love my friends. I love them & I want them to give their lives to Jesus 🙂 but I don’t feel like I have a crush. I don’t have that feeling I like anyone. I just want to do what God wants me to do. Is it different? My 1st priority is God, is it different to like someone when 1st priority is God? Lord, Father. I don’t what I’m feeling. I’m getting all jumbled up inside & I don’t understand. Lord Jesus, guide my feelings & my thoughts. I know You understand. Please help me understand. Lord, I love You & You’re my priority. You’re #1 in my life. Is it different to like someone with You being 1st?

Okay, 2 planes crashed into the Twin towers of the World Trade Center in NY & 1 plane crashed in Pennsylvania. Terrorist attacks. Killed lotz of people. A lot of ppl turning to God. I wanted to donate blood but got to be @ least 17 yrs. old.

Oh yea…I can drive. Got my license April.

I go to Tuesday Service. I’m doing the Offertory Prayer this coming Tuesday. I wanna go to Prayer Meetings on Wed. I listen to Christian songs. I love worship. I think God’s calling me to be a missionary…not sure…is there like a missionary dat deals w/ children specifically? Well, all I know is if God says go, I go. 🙂 go, go 🙂 The 2nd Coming of Jesus is, well, coming. No pun intended. It’s near. I want my friends to come w/ me & see Jesus in my church, in the youth. Lord, please open their <3’s & my mouth to testify. Love You Father. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

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Of all the things I thought I would find within the pages of my diaries and journals, I never thought I would find this, “I think God’s calling me to be a missionary…not sure…is there like a missionary dat deals w/ children specifically?”

I was a junior in high school when I wrote this, and knew that my childhood dream of becoming a doctor was not my dream anymore. Science just wasn’t my thing, and I didn’t know what major I would go into. On the summer before my senior year, I heard – really heard – God call me into full time ministry: children’s ministry & mission.

Fast forward over 10 years later, and I’ve learned the hard way that life doesn’t always turn out the way you think and that God cannot be contained. Ministry and mission doesn’t look like what I saw in my head, and that’s okay.

I’ve heard people say that God’s calling doesn’t change. I don’t know how true or untrue that is for other people. I can only speak about my own experience. And my experience is that God cannot be contained. Not by anyone, not by anything, and not even by definitions. I can see Him redefining the calling He placed on my life. I thought ministry life would look like a certain way, and if certain things went a certain direction, I would have been most certainly correct.

But God doesn’t work according to our certain ways. He does what He pleases to achieve His will. How we fit into His purposes is up to Him. How He uses me is up to Him. How children’s ministry and mission fits into my life is up to Him. I will never have the complete picture, and it won’t do be any good to run ahead of God. All I have to do is what I wrote those many years ago, “If God says go, I go.” And all I know if that if I keep saying yes to God, I am in great hands.