Get On a Path of Healing

May is Mental Health Awareness Month and I want to share with you my mental health story, but first things first:

1. I’m not a physician. If you’re suffering from a mental illness, please see your doctor.
2. I hope my story can help someone else feel less alone, be motivated to seek help, or to be more understanding of people who suffer from mental illness.
3. There’s a lot to be said so I’m not going to pour it all out in one post. Please come back and finish the story with me.

One of the hurtful things you can say to someone suffering from Depression is for her to try harder: at being more happy or joyful, at being grateful for what she has, at praying or doing other Christian disciplines.

I still hear Christian pastors and leaders say something like, “You wouldn’t be depressed if you truly love the Lord” or “What’s with all these depressed people? I’m telling you, the answer is prayer. You need to spend time with God, and you wouldn’t be sick because He’s the great Healer.”

Statements like that still get to me. They’re arrows to my heart. I get so mad because it’s ignorance.

I tried. I tried so hard to find joy, to be at peace, to resolve the chaos inside. Mind you, I was attending a Christian college. I was a leader in my local church. I was going to chapel at school. I went to Bible study groups. I led one. I was reading the Bible, studying it, and meditating on it. I fasted. I prayed.

I prayed a lot. I prayed all the time. Everywhere. Because it was like God was silent, and I couldn’t figure why I was going through what I was going through. Why He was allowing it. I had no name for it. I didn’t understand it. I thought trying harder at doing life and being a Christian was the solution.

It wasn’t because it’s not a matter of doing more or doing things better. It’s a matter of healing.

Don’t get me wrong. Don’t for a second think God doesn’t perform miracles today. He does. He is our great Healer. I don’t believe He ever left me. I had God-moments. I remember. I saw Him at work in my life in the midst of the darkness. So why go through the suffering?

I don’t know. And I’m okay with that.

Why did Job have to through what he did? Why did Jesus heal others right away, but took His sweet time getting to Lazarus? Why heal some with the power of His words alone, and heal others with mud or spit?

Why are some miraculously healed, while others carry a cross?

I don’t know. And I’m okay with that.

I learned to be okay with my brokenness. I learned to be okay with not having all the answers or all the control. It doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with me, like I don’t have enough faith, or like there’s a hidden sin in my life, or like I’m a lesser person or a not-good-enough Christian.

It just means I’m going through something, and I need help. Instead of trying harder to do the “right things,” I needed to get on a path of healing and work at that. Work towards my well-being. To understand what’s going on. To be surrounded by professionals who can help me. To find a support group. To just…start healing.

Just start healing. However that looks like for you or someone you love. Let go of the judgement and preconceived notions. Let go of the Why’s, like “Why is she going through this?” Unless you’re the doctor, the Why can drive you crazy. So just let go, and get on a path of healing.