How to Get Over Dating FOMO

One of the tough things about not dating while waiting is getting the case of FOMO or Fear Of Missing Out. I think of a scene in “Legally Blonde” where Elle is studying for the LSAT when she hears the cheers of partying people outside the window. We just see how much she wants to join them, but she had set herself on a different path she could either keep going on or abandon.

My dating journey never really started. I was 18 years old when I committed to waiting as the result of a lot of personal God-moments, and at that time, I had never been on a date. I blame it on my shy, sheltered, strict, school-first little Asian bubble. It worked out though because “not dating” switched from a my-parents-won’t-allow-it thing to a me-and-God thing, and I learned a lot.

But FOMO was REAL, and I threw all the whiny arguments at God. It’s not fair. But he’s a Christian. It’s a school function. It’s not dating, it’s coffee. I just want to ask him because he’s got nowhere to go for Thanksgiving and it’s the Christian thing to do.

I wish I could say I was always as strong as Elle, or as obedient as God wanted me to be. Truth was, I crumbled under the pressure of my own shyness, self-criticism (I have too much baggage to share my life with anyone), and insecurity (we’re not even friends, he doesn’t know me, I’ll be rejected, blah, blah, blah).

Yet God is good and He taught – continually teaches – me a little something something on how to get over dating FOMO.

1. You’re not missing out.
The fear of missing out happens because of envy. We see what other people are doing and think their lives are more exciting, fun, or just plain better than what we’ve got going on. It’s scary to think that our lives are empty, so we want in on the action. We need to get rid of that lie!

Our lives are not empty. It’s easier now than ever to play the comparison game because of social media, but remember that people post only the best filtered pictures they have. Not many post the down times, ugly times, and lazy times, but we all have them. We all have daily routines that are not very exciting, but are parts of life. Enjoy the beautiful pictures in your social feeds, but remember that your life is just as beautiful.

2. Get up and do something.
Choosing not to have a dating life doesn’t mean choosing slow days and quiet nights unless that’s what you chose. I actually like slow days and quiet nights, but I also like girls night with my friends, catching early movie showings, and trying out food from different food trucks.

What stops you from doing what dating people do? Watching movies. Eating out at restaurants. Going out dancing, hiking, [fill in the blanks]. You can do those by yourself. Sure, other couple-y things like tandem-biking can’t be done solo, but you can do them with friends. It won’t be as romantic, but it will be just as fun!

Download this FREE Dr. Seuss Quote printable!

3. Find beauty in the daily.
Try this gratitude challenge. At the end of every day, before you go to sleep, write down one thing you’re grateful for that happened that day. Offer it up as a prayer: Thank you, God, for…. Turn it into a Tweet or Facebook status. Document it and see what happens.

[bctt tweet=”Today was good. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one. -Dr. Seuss” username=”annaangela”]

Every big adventure has small daily routines. Like I said, we see the dressed-up date nights and #relationshipgoals on social media. We hardly see everything else, but they’re there and they’re beautiful. There’s beauty in laundry and dishes. There’s beauty in messy kids and sweaty exercises. There’s beauty in the daily grind and cups of coffee. There’s beauty in singleness. We just have to find it. Find the beauty in your daily life and you can find the beauty in your single life.

4. Date God and date yourself.
This sounds like a cliche, throwaway Christian phrase, and I wouldn’t say this to you unless I’ve done it myself. I’ve done it myself. If you want to get over dating FOMO, date God and date yourself. I always lump these two together because I believe that you get to know yourself better by getting to know your Creator better.

This started for me when I had FOMO after people around me started dating and going out to watch movies or eat at such and such restaurant. I wanted to do those things, and a lightbulb turned on in my head. Why don’t I do those things by myself? So I did, and it was awkward. So awkward that I started taking a journal with me, free writing as I eat in a nice restaurant or picnic at a park. Soon I was also writing out prayers to God. Before I knew it, doing things by myself turned into doing things with myself and with God.

Going to the movies didn’t leave room for writing or reflecting, but it was fun and relaxing. It became a way to practice self-care. I wandered around museums, attended city/community events, or walked up and down the boardwalk. When I was intentional about going out to spend time with God and with myself, God showed up. I learned that He’s there in community, in art, in relaxation, in words, in music, and in times of solitude. He showed me His character and who I am in Him. It’s hard to have FOMO when you’re in communion with a magnificent, loving God.

The next time dating FOMO dare try you, remember that there’s no reason to fear. You have a beautiful, awesome life!