According to History.com, one of the legends about the origins of Valentine’s Day was a practice in Rome where “all the young women in the city would place their names in a big urn. The city’s bachelors would each choose a name and become paired for the year with his chosen woman. These matches often ended in marriage.”
Can you imagine dating this way, as a game of chance? I would have some questions first. Are there age restrictions with this practice? What if the bachelor was a great deal older than you? What if you or your pair meets someone else during the year? Must you really attend every festival together?
We love choice. It becomes our right. It’s how we define freedom. We’d probably question any kind of love or marriage that might result from being forced to partner up with someone because of a game of chance. But the biggest lesson I’ve learned about love is that love is a choice.
We choose to love people, and we can choose to stop loving them. I don’t believe that we “can’t help who we fall in love with” or that “we love who we love.” To love is a choice. To stop loving is a choice. I’m not saying it’s easy – sometimes it is, especially when people are hurt, angry, or broken – but it’s still a choice.
Choices beget other choices. They influence action that beget more action. I look at the pairs in Ancient Rome and I see how the random matches could end in marriage. Though the choice of partner was by chance, they made the first choice to participate. It was a step of commitment on their part to spend a year with their match. Doing what, I don’t know, but spending more and more time with someone will either make you love him or reject him.
The matches end in marriages because I think people are inherently good. Most of us desire the same things like love, being known, belonging, security. As the pairs choose to spend more time together and choose to give each other a chance, they’re actually choosing love.
The kind of love that develops from friendship. The kind of love that develops when you give people a chance. The kind of love that develops when you open yourself up. The kind of love that develops when you nurture the relationships you have with family and friends. The kind of love that develops when life is shared. And this kind of love can develop into more.
I’m a romantic and I do believe in “the one” from God, and the “can’t-eat, can’t-sleep, reach-for-the-stars, over-the-fence, World Series kind of stuff” (It Takes Two). I also believe love is a choice, and hearing from married folks tell me I’m right. The fairy tale can happen, but you need to choose to love your partner to sustain it.
It’s Valentine’s Day, and I wanted to declare overflowing love in your life. The kind of love that chooses you. The kind of love that sustains you. The kind of love from a heavenly God who is Love personified. As His love pour into your life, may it flow through you into the lives of those around you. May we all choose love. May we choose to love those around us, and may love beget more love.
Join me this month as I talk about loving your single life.
Tell me. Would you do as the ancient Romans did and date by pure chance?
