My OneWord for this year is Story. Ha! I laugh because there’s nothing else I could do. I’ve rewritten this blog post so many times and it never felt right. Nothing about this year feels right. 2020 isn’t the story I wanted. 2020 isn’t the story any of us wanted, but it’s one we can’t put down. We’re in it whether we like it or not.
Last May, my grandma – we call her Nanay, which means mother in Tagalog – went to be with Jesus. She had cancer but stopped responding to treatments. We made her as comfortable as possible, but her health declined quickly. I know she’s in heaven; her faith was strong. I had a dream of heaven a few years ago. I woke up in a mansion and was greeted by my grandpa, Tatay. He wanted to show me something or perhaps show me around. The dream didn’t go that far, but I like to imagine that’s how Nanay woke up in heaven, greeted by her husband wanting to show her around or bring her to Jesus. There’s comfort in knowing she’s at peace. She worked very hard in this world to provide for her family, to pray for the salvation of her children, and to support the ministry of God. She had endless patience and generosity. She was a really good cook.
My family has had other hard hits, as I imagine all families had this year, and I feel frozen. We’ve all had to pivot, adapt, and adjust. I did that, most especially for church. I’m the children’s pastor and ministry went online. But I had all these goals and plans for 2020 that didn’t happen. They didn’t pivot, adapt, or adjust. Then when so many people shone with their motivational productivity, I had to learn to give myself a new kind of grace and kindness.
That may sound easy, but it’s not. I, thankfully, have a therapist to help me. If you don’t and can’t get one, then allow me to tell you that if you feel like I do, you’re still okay. You don’t have to push yourself to do more. You can just focus on whatever task is at hand to get through this year one day at a time.
There are two more months to this year and I pray that we emerge through this story with an abundance of hope, but for now, let’s take it one day at a time.
