I’m 40! It’s a milestone birthday, but the truth is, I don’t feel any big shift. I’ve been waiting for it to drop, that je ne sais quoi feeling, I don’t know what, but it’s something. Yet I got nothing. I had a great celebration with family and friends, but that undefinable feeling that was supposed to prompt me into this new decade never came. It reminds me of when Mr. Darcy told Lizzie, “I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun” (Pride & Prejudice, Jane Austen). Except in my case, it’s about aging, not love.
When we were younger, birthdays prompted many changes. Another year older could mean body changes, a new school year, or graduation. It could mean being legally able to drive, or vote, or rent a car. The older we are, the more our days seem to even out. Birthdays, even if they are milestone birthdays, don’t prompt milestone changes. Milestones are less guaranteed.
That’s what I miss, the guarantee. When I turned 16, it was guaranteed that I could legally obtain my driver’s license, and I did (passed on the first try). When I turned 18, it was guaranteed that I could vote, and I did. When I turned 26, it was guaranteed that I would lose my parents’ insurance coverage, and I did (not as great of a milestone, but a milestone nonetheless).
There doesn’t seem to be any more guaranteed milestones. Things like marriage, children, first house purchase, or retirement aren’t guaranteed or associated with an age (yep, not even retirement). I miss those guarantees because they were like guideposts, helping me figure out what I can achieve or expect at different ages. Of course, I’ve known for many years now that those guideposts are gone for adults, but turning 40 has me ruminating.
Part of adulthood (adulting, if you will) is setting up our own guideposts, pinning down the dreams we have, and determining the goals we need to achieve to see those dreams come true. Then learning how to handle disappointment if or when those dreams don’t come true or don’t happen in the timeline we set for ourselves. Learning how to grieve them, while continuing to hope.
For some reason, that felt lonely to me, which is why I found comfort in the Word of God in Psalm 143:8
“Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life.”
Psalm 143:8 (NIV)
Entrust. According to the Cambridge Dictionary, it means “to make someone responsible for someone or something.” I found comfort in entrusting my life to God. In light of this, I read Psalm 143:8 as a prayer. Lord, every morning, remind me of how much You love me no matter what is happening. It’s You that I trust, not my circumstances or thoughts or feelings. Not my perspective. Not even my goals or own efforts. I have given my life to You. You are now responsible for me and my life. Please show me which way to go today.”
It comes as no surprise that Entrust is my 2025 One Word. It’s the word I’m going to remember when I miss the guideposts, grieve milestones I wish I had already achieved, and tire of goal-setting (because it happens).
I entrust my life to God, as well as my 40s. Welcome, new decade! May you be filled with God’s love and direction. May I find deeper faith in the trusting and adventures in the entrusting.
