Dear Diary, I Remember the Fear

31 Days of Dear Diary
Read the series here.


April 25, 2006

I have 2 lives. One at home, and one at school. It’s the hardest thing to do – to connect the two lives together. See, school isn’t just school anymore. I’m not just learning how to write, to calculate, or learn about history and science. I’m not just learning general things. I’m learning about life – real life. I’m learning skills to use in the real world. I’m learning subjects that prepares me for a career…a job. Somehow, someway, I’m supposed to be able to support myself, to make a living, and to be some…one…thing. In a year, supposedly, I’m supposed to get out there, graduate from school, and live.

And I’m scared. I’m scared shizless. I would think that most people would be scared. I would think that it’s natural to be scared. But I’m SCARED. I’m afraid. Terrified.

-End transcript-

I’m sorry for the use of my watered down foul word. I really did write that word down in my journal, and I remember why. I remember the fear.

It was a grip me and freeze me in the spot kind of fear. It haunted me. It made me cry myself to sleep. It made me doubt everything.

It was fear of the future, or fear of the unknown, or fear of graduating college. Oddly enough, that’s common! It’s natural for college grads to be afraid of what’s next, questioning everything, even their degree and other life choices.

The Bible is full of verses and promises of God. Do not fear. Do not be afraid. Be courageous. God is with you always. God will never forsake you. God will help you. God has plans for you. You have a hopeful future.

I hope those work for you, if you are going through the same kind of fear. But if you already know those verses, if you’ve memorized them and wrote them on sticky notes you slapped on your mirror or Bible or car dashboard, and you’re still afraid…then let me assure you.

Keep holding on to the hope that is God because if you don’t let go, the fear will pass. God’s Word is real and alive. It will strengthen your faith and keep you anchored to Him, the One who sustains you. Even if it feels like His promises are not coming to pass, hold on. Hold onto God and the fear will pass.

Also, talk to someone. Gather your closest girlfriends and tell them your fears. Speak out the troubles of your heart. Give voice to the things that you don’t even want to acknowledge. The fear will pass if you allow your friends and family to carry your burdens with you. They can give you a new perspective about life that can ease your worries.

Just do your thing. It’s your time to shine and make a difference in the world. It’s your day to rise up and lead. Rise up to be the person God created you to be. Don’t listen to the naysayers, even if they’re inside your head. Only you can fulfill your purpose.

And remember, there’s a kind of fear that will never leave you. There’s a healthy fear that keeps you motivated, vigilant, aware, and wise. Embrace the fear that helps you respect life and keeps you on a straight path.

And embrace the fear of the Lord, the utter most respect and reverence you can give Him. Seek His counsel and His will. Like in the Psalms, you will walk through valleys of shadows and death. You will encounter evil and fear. But you don’t need to be afraid because God is with you.

You don’t need to let fear rule over you. Like in the movie “Labyrinth,” face fear and say, “You have no power over me.” Because it doesn’t, if you don’t let it.

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