A couple of weeks ago, I started getting calls from a number I don’t recognize. The caller finally left a voice message. She was looking for Kristen. Obviously a wrong number, so I picked up the next time she called.
“No, sorry. Wrong number.”
“Is this [my phone #]?”
“Yeah. But this is Angela.”
“Oh, okay. Sorry.”
Today she called.
“No, it’s Angela.”
“Oh, I guess it’s the wrong -”
“- wrong number, yeah. Sorry.”
The thing is, just being honest here, I would have been annoyed if it wasn’t for this one little thing. She sounds desperate. Her voice sounds like an older woman, and from the voice message, she’s been trying to get a hold of Kristen for a while now. Her daughter, perhaps? And I wish I had an answer for her. Like maybe I knew Kristen and I can tell Kristen to get in touch with her family.
It sounds like the woman’s out of options. She keeps calling me anyway, even though she knows it’s the wrong number, maybe because it’s the only number she has. It’s her last hope, and maybe if she calls again, Kristen will pick up.
Have you ever been so desperate for something?
I was so desperate for God because I knew what it was like to feel Him in my life, hear Him, and be so passionate for Him. Then it was like He was gone. There’s a song by BarlowGirl called “Never Alone” (music video below). It captures what I was going through.
I cried out with no reply
And I can’t feel you by my side
So I’ll hold tight to what I know
You’re here and I’m never alone
It’s easier said than done, holding tight to faith and the promise of God to never leave me (Joshua 1:9, Deut 31:6) when it felt like I was praying to a wall, like the pain would never stop, and I had only one number left to call but it’s wrong.
Faith isn’t always easy. I knew being a Christian wasn’t easy. They actually told us in church. But I thought that your passion for God will help you get through the hard stuff. That it doesn’t matter what is thrown your way as long as you’re “on fire” for God.
When I “gave up passion,” I was stepping back from being involved with other people. It was my defense reaction to being hurt by other people. I never intended on stepping away from God. I never wanted to be less passionate for God.
Looking back, I see that God never left me, never stopped speaking to me or listening to my prayers. I just couldn’t hear Him through the noise in my life. And I drew away from Him because I was hurt when it felt like He wasn’t there for me when I needed Him most. Kind of like I drew away from people when I was hurt by people.
But the great thing about God is that He’s always there, loving us. Even when we can’t hear Him, feel Him, or even when we draw away from Him, He’s right there loving us. And when we call to Him, He listens. It’s never the wrong number even if it feels like nobody’s picking up or the line is dead.
As God’s children, we’re never alone.