I saw a Facebook post that went like this:
Spoil him. Forget this so called new age ***! If he’s hungry, feed him! House a mess? Clean it! His clothes are dirty, wash them! He’s had a long day, rub his back and give him some love and affection! He’s stressed, just leave him be and pray for him! There is absolutely nothing wrong with catering to YOUR man! Do not let some new age, bitter single braud tell you otherwise.
I’ve been mulling over the post trying to figure out why it rubbed me the wrong way. On the surface, it was easy to tell.
First, what in the world is a “new age” woman?
Second, why is a “new age” woman “single” and “bitter”?
And third, what on earth is a “braud”? Isn’t it spelled “broad”?
After checking, the Urban Dictionary defines a “braud” as a fearless, adventurous, daring, and independent woman. Although, it really is spelled “broad,” a slang term for a tough woman.
I’m pretty sure I’m most mad at the post for assuming and calling an independent woman “new age s***,” single, and bitter. Also, a woman is advised to cater to her man, while nowhere in there does it say that the man is her husband.
AND I’m sure every woman fighting against female prejudices and inequality just smacked their foreheads because fearless, adventurous, daring, and independent women was just advised to cater to their men, making them sound bitter if they don’t.
But that’s just on the surface.
I think I’ve figured out the deeper reason this Facebook post made me want to get up on every soapbox I can find.
It is a twisted understanding of LOVE.
The post’s main point is this, “There is absolutely nothing wrong with catering to YOUR man!”
Except there is.
I’m going to say this first. If you’re going to cater to a man, cater to your husband. Then I’ll say this. Love is not about catering to another person.
If we’re to look at love from the example of Jesus, then we’ll realize that love is about service and sacrifice that points to the Truth.
While feeding someone, cleaning a messy house, doing the laundry, and giving a back rub all sounds like service and sacrifice, if they don’t point to the Truth, they’re not expressions of love.
The Truth of God.
The truth that every person is important.
The truth that your spouse is not subservient to you, but your equal partner.
The truth that love is TOUGH.
Jesus showed His love by doing the hard stuff. From washing dirty feet to dying on the cross. From feeding the hungry to telling them the truths they don’t want to hear.
The truth that love is not about spoiling a person.
Parents who love their children give their kids gifts AND discipline. God gives His children blessings AND discipline. People who love each other love in honesty, even if the truth is hard to hear. Love that spoils to embroil a person into the relationship is not love. It’s selfishness, and love is not selfish.
The truth that love frees a person.
Loving someone means you help that person become a braud: fearless, adventurous, daring, and independent. Free of fear. Free of insecurities. Free of their dependence on you because when you’re gone, you would want them to continue living life to the fullest.
The love of God leads me to become that person. His love makes me fearless, adventurous, daring, and independent. That I am currently single is not exclusive to being a braud, to being fearless, adventurous, daring, and independent. And if a woman is not single does not mean she is not any of those things.
Absolutely you should clean your home, do the laundry, feed your husband, give back rubs to your husband, pray for your husband, and shower love and affection to your husband. Absolutely. But in a marriage, those things should not be considered spoiling him or catering to him. Those are things either of you do for each other out of love and partnership.
In life, you do those acts of service and sacrifice – those acts of love – to point someone else to the Truth and the truths they need to hear. And that’s not new age stuff. That’s something Jesus demonstrated thousands of years ago.