What is Big?

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Recently, an acquaintance asked me some getting-to-know-you-better questions. Concerning writing, he asked, “What big projects have you done?”

Two points for a question nobody’s asked before. It was specific and would have given him an insightful information except for the fact that he was talking to me. I know he was either making small talk or trying to to get to know someone he’s working with, but I felt like I was being interviewed or interrogated. Not because of the way he was asking questions, but because of my personality.

I’m not comfortable talking about myself with strangers, acquaintances, or even in a group during an Introduce Yourself session. I will give the least amount of information and a bunch of noncommital answers. I say that confidently because recent events have shown me just how awkward I am. So when the man asked that specific question, my mind went spinning.

Big. Projects?

What equates a big project? Having a blog? Selling an article? Writing a VBS curriculum? Sure, I’ve done those. I kinda think they’re big. For me.

But what’s big for him? Publishing a book? Several books? Being an in-house writer for a Fortune 500 company?

Funny thing is, this man only knows me and my writing side. He doesn’t know that I’ve been in the Children’s Ministry for over 10 years, which is a big side of myself. And if someone asked me what big thing I’ve done with my life, that would be part of it. Except…is it really big?

What equates big? The number of kids? Event turn-out? Whether or not we have our own worship time with a stage, band, lights, and fog machine?

Sometimes, like when the man asked me about big projects, this little ugly voice pops up. You haven’t done anything big. You haven’t done anything worthwhile. Why are you even here? Why are you the writer? The kidmin director? The leader?

I’m sure we hear that voice time to time. It’s doubt, insecurity, fear, the enemy. Things we need to ignore. Because big and worthwhile are subjective.

You can have the jazziest event or ministry with lots of lights, fog, an orchestra, or you can have a quiet get-together with a few people sitting around a table. All that will ever really matter is the heart.

Your heart. Their hearts. How God touches our hearts. And He can do that with the “biggest” events with hundreds of people, and He can do that with one-on-one conversations between a parent and a child. And both are worthwhile.

I wrote about the heart in terms of prayer. God really does look at our hearts. So when it comes to life and passion for/in life, we can’t measure ourselves based on other people’s yardsticks. We need to look at our hearts too, and make sure it’s in the right place because that’s when our hearts can touch other hearts, whether in “big” or in “small” events, and change lives for the better.

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