The very first thing I ever cooked were hotdogs, which wasn’t actually cooking since you really only need to heat them through. But I didn’t do that because I was around 7 years old. What would I know, right? So my mom showed me how to cut diagonal slits on the hotdogs, and told me that when frying them (instead of boiling), I’d know they’re cooked when the slits open up.
I know how to cook now, and I actually enjoy it. See, that’s Ratatouille right there 🙂 with some changes, like I used different colored baby bell peppers and herbs de provence instead of thyme.
I went to a Christian college and took a Christian major. There was a running joke that our college had a 6:1 ratio of women to men. So the guys had their pick of good Christian women, but the guys in the Christian majors like Bib Theo and Church Leadership only had 2 requirements: that she can play the piano and lead Children’s Ministry. I did both but still didn’t land a man. Hahaha, jokes 🙂
Different cultures have different wifey requirements. Among the professors and students in my major, the piano and kidmin thing was a running joke based on a kernel of truth. The guys in those Christian majors usually ended up pastoring a church, and they need a partner who can help with the ministry. A fledgling or starting church would need a worship leader and a children’s ministry leader. Those roles fell to the pastor’s wife (back then it did), hence the joke.
In the Filipino culture, a HUGE wifey requirement is the ability to cook.
“You need to learn how to cook.”
“I’ll give you the recipe.”
“Oh you can cook now,” followed with, “you’re ready to get married now.”
And as with all wifey requirements, it’s said with laughter, with jesting, winks, and nudges. But that kernel of truth is still there, just below the surface.
One day, one of my friends told me I was ready to get married because I can cook. She was only 2 years older than me. She didn’t know how to cook but she was trying to learn, to be prepared.
At the time, I agreed. As wives, we need to know how to take care of our families and homes, and it’s good to start learning before marriage. But I realize now how shallow that requirement is because there’s more to being a wife than knowing how to cook. And nobody tells you what that is until you’re in marriage counseling a few months before you get hitched.
Alright, that’s not completely true. We can just about Google anything nowadays. And we can read the Bible. Or ask a married friend.
But we need to start talking. The wifey requirements are still there, and sometimes it’s us single ladies who perpetuate them because that’s what we’ve been told. We don’t know any better unless we read mommy bloggers who are downright honest about struggles and challenges in their marriages and families.
That was kind of the eye opener for me. I stumbled into the blogs of Christian women who are willing to be courageous and share their stories, both the ups and downs, and what God is teaching them (thanks for sharing, btw). Although I thought wouldn’t be able to relate because I was single, I realized I did. Because these are women talking about life. We have the same pains and doubts even if they came from different sources. We have the same joys even if they affect different parts of our lives. And we have the same lessons to learn even they’re applicable to different things.
The women in my real life don’t talk about the gritty stuff of marriage. Although they do talk about the gritty stuff of labor…so um…thanks for the images???
Perhaps we’re missing a link in our communication. Maybe the married ones think we’re not interested in hearing about what they’re going through. And maybe we single ones think we’ll never be able to relate with them.
Isn’t it time we just talk with each other, woman to woman, heart to heart?
My One Word for 2014 is Ready. God impressed it in my heart, and part of it is being ready for my husband. Which I felt I had to explain, which I did in that there post. Before, I thought I was ready because of shallow wifey requirements I thought I can fulfill. Then it was like I had allergies to the idea of marriage. I was single and I had to live my singleness to the fullest. But this year, God took that away.
It’s not a school girl’s idea of getting married. It’s not a giddy hopefulness of meeting him this year. It’s not even certainty that God will unfold my love story anytime soon. I kinda have a feeling that God is preparing me, readying me. Before I can be any man’s wife, I have to be His. I have to be His woman. And perhaps that’s the truest and biggest wifey requirement of all.