It’s been a few months since I sat down to write here. This space holds my thoughts, stories, and lessons God teaches me about life and faith. But for a long time now, it’s gotten harder to write. I’ve always felt the need to wrap things up nicely. To always have a lesson or positive take-away at the end. I guess I want things all figured out before I hit publish.
Recently, I feel this gentle nudge from God to start writing again. Even if or especially when I’m in the middle. When there’s still a lot to figure out. When happily ever after is not in sight. When I don’t have a neat conclusion to share.
That is so hard for me to do. My spiritual gift is teaching and I don’t want to end my lesson with, “Welp, that’s it. I’ll let you know when I figure it out.” and leave everyone hanging. I’ve thought of every blog post as a lesson with a beginning, middle, and end. Then we all leave encouraged.
That’s why it’s hard for me to share publicly the beginning and the middle. They’re messy and feel out of control. I fear that if I share them, I could discourage someone or worse, lead them to think God is not as good as He actually is. I also fear that the end would be horrible. I don’t want to share stories with horrible endings, so I wait and see before I post.
Some friends recently told me that God factors in my stupidity when making His plans. Basically, God is bigger than any messy, out of control beginning or middle. And He’s still a good God whatever the ending. This nudge from Him to start writing again is Him telling me that my story matters and sharing it matters.
While I most likely won’t write blog posts that end with only my anxious thoughts, doubts, and fears (I can’t just leave things like that), I think it’s time I write from the beginning or the middle of the lesson. To share the journey while I’m still on it. To show up, to reflect, and to notice the ways God is present in all kinds of moments.
I want to tell stories, process what God is teaching me, and hopefully encourage someone else who might be in a similar season. Whether you’ve been here before or you’ve just stumbled across this blog, I’m really glad you’re here. And I’m ever grateful for a God who doesn’t stop writing our stories, even if I paused sharing them for a while. This is me un-pausing, ready to begin again.
Welcome back. Looking forward to reading your writing again. When things aren’t wrapped in a bow, there is a level of vulnerabilty that speaks to others. Blessings, Pam