“Stop waiting!” they exclaim to the single, usually Christian, ladies. “Live your life!”
What in the world do you think I’m doing? Twiddling my thumbs?!?
There was a moment in Christian history where single Christians jumped on the bandwagon of I Kissed Dating Goodbye and chanted youth rally slogans like, “Crush the crush!” This happened in my late teen years, and I had friends who jumped and fell off the bandwagon. I saw them on fire and saw them fizzle out. Then came the backlash. It came quickly and pretty much stayed until…well, now. Stop waiting. Live your life now. From blogs to books, podcasts to speakers. Stop waiting. Live your life now.
When did waiting equate to not living your life? When did it become such a bad word? Good things come to those who wait…except in love? When did the word waiting become a point of contention? Something to nit-pick. Something to ridicule. Something Christians use to shame other Christians like me who still say, “I’m waiting.”
What do you want me to say, instead? That I’m living?
“So Angela, are you dating? Are you seeing someone?”
“No, I’m living.”
It makes less sense than, “I’m waiting” because of course, I’m living. I’m working. I’m going out with friends. I have a relationship with my family. I’m traveling. I’m growing and maturing. I go through ups and downs. I’m just doing it single. I’m living without dating. Why? Because I’m waiting!
What am I waiting for? A prince on a white stallion to sweep me off my feet? Of course not (note to any princes on white stallions: I don’t know how to ride a horse). Am I waiting for a man to knock on my door and declare him to be the one? Nope, that’s creepy. For God to scream in my ears, “Stop! He’s the one!” Hmm, sort of.
God doesn’t scream in my ears. He whispers. Tender words. Prophetic dreams. Unexpected visions. A peace that can’t be explained. That’s how I hear Him. Ever since I was a teenager, that’s how God speaks to me. In the quiet and the stillness. It’s how He called me to ministry. That’s how He helped me comfort friends. That’s how He comforts me. I don’t know the details, but I believe it’s along this same way that God will show me, lead me, and assure me the waiting is over.
When I tell you I’m waiting, I’m exercising my faith.
It perplexes many people how I could want the whole shebang of marriage and kids, but choose not to date. Many people don’t think that works. They think my head’s in the clouds. That I’m naive or stupid. They shake their heads and indulge me. I know, I’ve seen it in their doubtful eyes and indulging smiles. Truth is, I have no proof this waiting I’m doing is going to work except for the only proof the children of God has. Faith.
“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen” Hebrews 11:1
Is it scary to write about believing the path I’m on will lead me to the future I want? Yes. It would be easier for me to start dating and tell you I believe God will give the husband-and-kids-future I’m hoping for, but it feels like a stepping away from my faith story. It feels like a turning away from a faith thing I’ve been wrestling with God with.
You know that story of Jacob’s limp? It was night time in Genesis 32:22-32 when Jacob wrestles with God, who dislocates his hip with just a touch. Even with the injury, Jacob refuses to let go until God blesses him. God does and Jacob walks away with a limp.
Waiting is part of my faith story, a part of my spiritual journey. Oh yeah, it feels like a wrestling match with God. A wrestling match at night nobody else witnesses, and that’s why people look at me and think I’m not doing anything about my love life. That my faith is dead because it has no works. It’s a struggle they don’t see, but I’m actually tired, injured, and hurt. Yet I don’t want to give up. I don’t want to let go until He blesses me. And faith says He will. His Word promises He will. His very loving nature says He will.
If I let go, will He still bless me? Yeah, I believe so. Realistically, statistically, there are different men I could marry, and God would bless that union. And dating different guys would put me on their path (and I know dating has its own set of difficulties, uncertainties, ups and downs, and it’s easier said than done).
But oh how Christians love to talk about God’s will and God’s path and God’s plans. Christians love to dare each other to imagine what your future would look like if you give your life over to God, if you do what He says, turn where He tells you to go. Why doesn’t that apply with romantic love?
It can! It does! And I want to see this wrestling match through. I want to see what God will do, where His story leads.
You can wait.
Waiting is part of my faith journey, and it can be yours, too. It’s not everyone’s and that’s okay as long as God still comes first. But just because it’s not part of your story doesn’t mean it’s not a valid option. Neither is it a bandwagon to jump on: to wait awhile, then date around, then wait awhile, and so the cycle goes. That’ll lead to frustration.
Waiting is a choice, right for some and not for others. If you do choose to wait, know it’s a long-haul wrestling match in the dark. There will be people who don’t understand your choice. They won’t see your faith at work. But you’re not waiting for them. You’re exercising your faith. You’re believing that good things and God things come to those who wait, including in love.
