I took the months of May and June to catch up on a writing assignment that kicked my behind, but worth it because I finished a story I had been writing on and off since 2011. Well, the first draft is finished and that counts.
On July 1st, I got sick and by the 3rd, I was admitted to the hospital for sepsis and strep throat. Things got worse before they got better. I always hated that saying, but it was true for me. The antibiotics took care of the strep throat and whatever was wrong with me, which took a while to pin down. I was finally diagnosed with pyelonephritis, a big word for acute and severe kidney infection. Aside from the antibiotics, I was put on a host of other medications because apparently, there’s a lot wrong with me.
After a week of blood draws, injections, vomiting, fevers, chills, and tons of medications, I was released. It was the week before our VBS. If you’ve ever been in children’s ministry, you’d know how insane VBS preparations are. And this year, we changed our VBS format. I wrote the entire thing because it was going to be a one-hour family VBS that was more like a production with audience participation. It was different. Something we’ve never done before, and I lost a week in the hospital.
It was all that was running in my mind when they were talking about admitting me to the hospital, and all I could think of when I was released. The week I was released from the hospital was a scramble to get VBS done. I was weak and bruised. I had no appetite and moved slowly. People said I was pale. I didn’t think pale was possible for a Filipino. I was still on antibiotics that left me feeling disoriented.
A whole section of VBS had to get scrapped because it didn’t get done, which meant 10 minutes to fill in the last minute. Last minute posters. Last minute announcements. Last minute costumes. Last minute take-home bags. Meanwhile, I had to see an endocronologist because my blood sugar was uncontrolled and I was being given insulin in the hospital. She changed my medications and prescribed new ones including a blood sugar meter. Yep, I’m pricking my fingers now. I have diabetes.
By the time VBS rolled around last week, I was in a weird place between nervous wreck and beyond caring. I was a nervous wreck for VBS because I love what we’re doing and want it to go well, but I also just got out of the hospital where I realized a few things. So here are a few notes from a hospital bed.
If I was dead, I couldn’t do VBS.
Or anything. I couldn’t do anything if I was dead or if my health was a wreck. At the moment, my health feels like it’s a wreck. I’m taking a lot of meds (three for diabetes alone) and pricking my fingers. But ultimately, knowing what I need to do towards a healthier me is better than living in ignorance. So if some things need to take a back seat to my health, they will take a back seat.
You can’t rush the process.
I quickly tired of the all the blood draws, injections, taking medications, and peeing because of the steady stream of IV fluids. I wanted to get better right away, but it was a slow process to figure out what I had and what I needed to get better. And they did figure it out. I did get better. There was a process for everything they did. There’s a process for everything. We can rush through it and miss a lot of things, or we can patiently go through it and get it right. There’s a time for everything (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8), a process we go through.
People freak out over an empty hospital bed.
When I was starting to feel better, I would get out of bed, walk around a few times, and sit on a chair by the window. Doctors, nurses, and visitors did not like seeing an empty hospital bed when there’s supposed to be a person in it. It gives them a momentary moment of panic and confusion. It was entertaining! Give me a break, I didn’t have many things to do in the hospital. After half a second of freaking out, however, the doctors and nurses told me it’s a good thing to get up and about. It prevents blood clots (though they gave me injections for that) and helps you feel better mentally and emotionally, which is part of the recovery process.
Take things one day at a time.
“One day at a time” was a mantra I adopted earlier this year, but it came in full force at the hospital. I would feel better one day, only to end up with a 103 fever that night. Or vomit. Or have low levels of potassium and iron. Or have fluctuating white blood cells count. I had thoughts like, “I thought this was over. I thought I was better. What’s gonna happen now? Will I ever get better? How long will I be here?” When life comes at us full force, throwing one curve ball after another, it’s natural to wonder how long we’ll be in that spot. How long we’ll have to endure. How much more we can take. It’s easier and better for our sanity to take things one day at time (Matthew 6:34).
For a hospital stay, you’ll need:
Flip flops (they gave me socks but that got dirty quickly and I had to clean it best I could), clean underwear, shampoo or dry shampoo, hairbrush, toothbrush and toothpaste (though they gave me these plus warm bath wipes), deodorant, something to entertain yourself with (a book, puzzle book, pen/pencil and paper, something not electronic because it’ll mess with your head).
The last time I stayed in the hospital for an extended period was when I was a child. I remember bits and pieces of it, like being transferred to a different room, being wheeled in a wheelchair, getting the IV in and out, and snippets of my parents in the room.
This time truly knocked me off my feet. I know I’m not invisible and I’ve always had health issues, but I’m now even more thankful to God for carrying me through it and through everyday.
